I Expected A Proposal But Didn’t Get It

I often hear from women who were expecting or hoping for a proposal that never came. Needless to say, many are quite disappointed, if not heartbroken. It’s very easy to let your mind wander and start planning all of the details from the proposal, to the ring, to the wedding, and then on to married life with a new family. So, when it becomes clear that you were wrong and that a proposal isn’t happening when you thought, this can be devastating. And you are often left wondering how to pick up the pieces and proceed.

I heard from a woman who said: “last weekend, my boyfriend and I had our one year anniversary. We are very much in love. For a couple of months, we’ve been talking about our future. He’s even asked me about rings. So I really thought that he would take me to dinner on our anniversary and then whip out a ring and propose. He bought me a lovely pair of earrings. We had a wonderful dinner. He was affectionate and said all of the right things. Except he never asked me to marry him. He never presented a ring. He never proposed. I tried very hard to hide my disappointment and maybe I was successful because he hasn’t mentioned anything else about it. My girlfriend says that I should just be honest with him and tell him how disappointed I am and then ask when he thinks he might propose. I am reluctant to do this because I’m afraid it might make him feel pressured and even more reluctant to propose. Should I just be honest and tell him how disappointed I am?”

Why It’s Important To Keep This In Perspective: Believe me when I say that I understand this disappointment. I understand having the whole scenario in your mind and how your heart just drops when it doesn’t happen. But you have to keep this in perspective. Because the truth is, your relationship is still going well. Your boyfriend was loving and sweet on your anniversary. There is no reason that things won’t continue to move forward in a positive way. But, if you make a big deal out of this and made him feel as if he did something wrong,t hen you might actually damage your relationship and he might resent being pressured.

Do You Really Want For Him To Propose Because He Felt Pressured To Ask You Under A Certain Time Frame?: Many women have no problem pressuring their boyfriend to propose. They figure they want a proposal by any means necessary. But, often, they aren’t thinking about the long term. What you likely really want is a happy marriage with the man who you love. But if you start off your life together pushing a certain time frame onto him, then you might always wonder when (or if) he would have proposed on his own. Many women don’t realize that this little question might nag them every time they have a fight or every time there is a rough patch in their marriage. Don’t fall into this trap. Instead, make your relationship as strong as it can possibly be and build on what you already have with the confident that he will propose when the time is right.

So to answer the question posed, I don’t think that you should be dishonest. If he asks you about your reaction or your disappointment, I think it’s OK to say that you hoped a proposal might happen because you love him and want to be with him. However, if things continue to go well and he doesn’t ask, then I think that you don’t need to make a big deal out of it. By all accounts this couple was happy. There was no reason to doubt that a proposal would be coming in the future at the right time within the right way.

I know that this probably isn’t what you wanted to hear. But frankly, how you discuss and approach the proposal can be extremely important. You can encourage it without pressure. If you continue to make sure that your relationship is a healthy and happy one, if you can make him believe that you aren’t trying to limit him, and if you can convince him that having you in his life makes his life so good that he wouldn’t ever want to be without you, then you will likely eventually get your commitment.