When The Other Spouse Wants To Return

The seesaw of emotions that rocks many divorces can be compared to a nightmarish scene in a horror movie. This is because, all the worst and most dreaded fears within the relationship get dredged up onto the surface and the raw emotion overload can sometimes become unbearable. In homes where children have been born and raised over a period of time, this gets even more difficult because many times, their true feelings can be kept hidden from their parents and can only be seen many months after, in a series of emotional disturbances. This makes the period immediately following divorce particularly tumultuous for all people concerned.

It may take many months or even years before the remaining family finally find their proper footing in terms of stabilized finances, emotions and daily living arrangements. For some it may prove more difficult than others. Another interesting twist comes about when the other partner, decides they want to get back into the family. This can create a lot of emotional upheaval with a lot of the hidden bitterness coming to fore. There is no set formula for handling this tricky scenario but a few guidelines can point the way ahead;

Listen before reacting – the first reaction towards a partner who wants to come back is outright rejection. This is because of the feelings of rejection that the remaining partner feels especially if the divorce was not initiated from them. The most prudent approach is to listen closely to what the other partner wants and try to understand any underlying motivations whether good or bad. Information here is power. This information is what can be the basis of any decision on that front.

Include the children – depending on their ages, children need to be made aware of what is going on. This is very important in finding out how they felt during that tumultuous period and whether they would be open to the idea that their parent or guardian wants to come back.

Talk to those who have been there before – although experiences vary, a few nuggets of wisdom can be garnered from someone who has been there and done that.

Explore your personal feeling – this is a great time to delve deep into your soul and find out exactly what your feeling towards your partner are.Accepting and addressing these feeling is very important in charting the way forward. Conversely, negating feelings is very harmful.

Do not give in to desperation or loneliness – this is a temptation that should never be allowed to take precedence because it can prove very costly eventually.

Take your time – even if everybody else feels you should mend the bridges as soon as possible ” for the children’s’ sake” it is much more prudent to tread with maximum care.

Run some tests – feel free to take this partner through some small tests to verify how truthful or genuine they are in their intentions to return.

Make the final decision – this can only be done by you and you alone after much soul-searching.

Reevaluate until you are satisfied – sometimes you may want to double-check your final decision with mentors or close friends as a sounding board to check their reactions.

Check if there is room in your life – over and above everything else, there needs to be adequate room in your emotions and home to accommodate the returning partner. If not, move on with speed.

Life is too short. Even if it can sometimes be perilous, it is still very enjoyable and exciting as long as a person is determined to make it so. Deciding to be decisive and be happy with decisions made is one good way of ensuring that life remains livable.